There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,

"Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."

Person 1: Did you hear the news? That actress got killed.

Person 2: Oh My God! Which one?

Person 1: It was Reese something.

Person 2: Witherspoon?

Person 1: No, with a knife.

There is a 4-floor apartment building. A beautiful woman lived on the 1st floor, a policeman lived on the 2nd floor, a firefighter lived on the 3rd floor, and a blind man on the 4th. The woman was in the shower when the policeman knocked on the door. She put on her towel and opened the door. "Congradulate me, I caught my first villian," the policeman said. The woman shut the door and went back into the shoor. Then the fireman rang the door. She put on her towel and opened the door. "Congradulate me, I put out my first fire," the fireman said. She slammed the door shut and went back into the shower. The blind man knocked on the door. The woman got out of the shower and forgot to put on her towel before she opened the door. The blind man said "Congradulate me, I just got my eyesight back!"

Whats the difference between a womans G-spot and a golf ball?
A bloke will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.

2 men and a woman were talking about the fact that stepping on a duck will bring bad luck. One day in the park, the 3 people met. The woman was with Michael Jackson. The 2 men asked what happened and she said "I stepped on a duck,". The 2nd person was with Britney Spheres. The 2 other people asked what happened and he said "I stepped on a duck,". The last guy was with Pamela Anderson. The 2 other people asked what happened and Pamela Anderson said "I stepped on a duck,".