A husband and wife had a new computer.
The computer required them to enter a new password.
Husband, feeling randy, typed in PENIS.
An error message appeared, saying 'PASSWORD REJECTED, NOT LONG ENOUGH'
The wife burst out laughing!!

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules.

"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"

His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."

Waitress: So, what'll it be, mister?
Customer: Tell you what. I wan my eggs hard and burned around the edges, I want my bacon burnt to a crisp, and I want my toast blackened and hard. I want my coffee bitter, and when you come back I want you to yell loudly at me for no apparent reason.
Waitress: Are you crazy?
Customer: No, I'm homesick.

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plough?
Give here a shovel.

What do you call a man who lost 75% of his intellegence?

Divorced