A guy walks into a bar and demands to know "Who's the strongest in here?"

The toughest guy looks at him and says "I am the strongest around here!"

The other guy politely asks "Can you help me push my car to the gas station?"

Why did the woman cross the street?

Who cares! Why is she out of the kitchen? And where did she get the shoes?

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."

Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.

About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.

Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes".

Bob and Ted meet in the grocery store. Ted asks, "What did you do last night?"

"I watched a movie with Jenna Jameson," Bob replies.

"How was it?"

"I thought it was fine," Bob says, "but Jenna hated it."

Why didn't Bruce Willis got a part in the movie "The Titanic"?
- Because he would've saved them all.