So, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are audtioning for a movie about famous composers. At the audition the judges are like "Sylvester, who will you be playing" and Sylvester answers "I'll be Mozart". The judges then turn to arnie and say "And you, Arnie?" and Arnie says "I'll be Bach!"

There's a pole in the north, a pole in the east, a pole in the south, a pole in the west, and all the other poles are in england.

Why can't Chavs throw pancakes?

Because they are useless tossers.

What's the difference between a blonde and your job?

Your job still sucks after 6 months.

A guy walks into a bar and demands to know "Who's the strongest in here?"

The toughest guy looks at him and says "I am the strongest around here!"

The other guy politely asks "Can you help me push my car to the gas station?"