A women was going through her husband's desk drawer and discovered three soybeans in an envelope containing thirty dollars in cash. So she asks her husband about it.
And the husband said, "Well, I have to confess. Over the years, I haven't been completely faithful to you. But every time I cheated, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself."
"So where did the thirty dollars come from?" she asked.
"Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I decided to sell."

A priest and a bus driver both die and go to heaven at the same time. They get to the pearly gates where St. Peter greets them. He hands a silk robe and a golden staff to the bus driver. He then hands a cotton robe and wooden staff to the priest. The priest complains, "How come the bus driver gets better things than I do?" St. Peter replies, "Because when you preach, people sleep, but when he drives, people pray.

A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."

So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.

Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final grades ... and to the amazment of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class.

His answer to the question: "What chair?"

A husband and wife had a new computer.
The computer required them to enter a new password.
Husband, feeling randy, typed in PENIS.
An error message appeared, saying 'PASSWORD REJECTED, NOT LONG ENOUGH'
The wife burst out laughing!!

Little boy walks into his parents bedroom and finds them having sex. His dad just laughs, throws a pillow at him and shouts at him to get out of the room. A little while later the dad hears a commotion coming from the young lads room. As he enters he is horrified to see the young lad having sex with his gran. The young lad turns and says "Not so fuckin funny when its your mum is it"