Little Johnny goes to the teacher after class and asks:
- "Can a student call teacher a 'pig'?"
- "No! Most certainly he may not!"
- "And can he call pig a 'teacher'?"
After carefull thinking she replies:
- "Yes... I suppose one could"
- "OK then! Goodbye...... TEACHER!"

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee and, after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.
He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistics master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.

All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, "An 'R'! They left out the 'R'”.

God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R'... the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE"

Truck driver stops by a blonde prostitute:
- "Girl, what do you do for $200?"
- "For $200? I'll do anything!"
- "OK. Get in the back and help me unload this coal"

What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?

The light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.