There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,

"Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."

Your mama is so fat that when she went for a swim, Christopher Colombus took her for the new world.

What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?

You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is white, made of plastic and is dangerous to small children.
The other has handles.

What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?

The light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.