Waitress: So, what'll it be, mister?
Customer: Tell you what. I wan my eggs hard and burned around the edges, I want my bacon burnt to a crisp, and I want my toast blackened and hard. I want my coffee bitter, and when you come back I want you to yell loudly at me for no apparent reason.
Waitress: Are you crazy?
Customer: No, I'm homesick.

A mother is in a store with her three-year-old son. While in an aisle, the little boy covered his butt with his hands and jumped up and down. Before his mother could figure out what was wrong, he'd soiled himself.

"Honey," his mom told him, "you've got to let me know when you have to potty. Just tell me you have to go."

The boy quickly learned to say "I gots to go!" or "Gotta go!" when nature came calling.

After three weeks of the boy's pottying, the proud father decides to take the boy to a carnival. When they arrived, the dad excitedly told his son, "Hey, let's go on the ferris wheel together."

Fifteen minutes later, they were banned from the carnival.

Bob and Ted meet in the grocery store. Ted asks, "What did you do last night?"

"I watched a movie with Jenna Jameson," Bob replies.

"How was it?"

"I thought it was fine," Bob says, "but Jenna hated it."

There's a pole in the north, a pole in the east, a pole in the south, a pole in the west, and all the other poles are in england.

A man walks into a bar and says "Yo Bartender, pour me 10 shots of Vodka. I'm celebrating my first blowjob". The bartender then says "in that case, here's an 11th shot for free". The man replies by saying "thanks, but that won't get the taste of cock out of my mouth"