Person 1: Did you hear the news? That actress got killed.

Person 2: Oh My God! Which one?

Person 1: It was Reese something.

Person 2: Witherspoon?

Person 1: No, with a knife.

So, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are audtioning for a movie about famous composers. At the audition the judges are like "Sylvester, who will you be playing" and Sylvester answers "I'll be Mozart". The judges then turn to arnie and say "And you, Arnie?" and Arnie says "I'll be Bach!"

why are airplane pilots gay?

because they're always going in and out of cockpits

Yo mommas like a turtle, when shes on her back, shes fucked!

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plough?
Give here a shovel.