Person 1: Did you hear the news? That actress got killed.

Person 2: Oh My God! Which one?

Person 1: It was Reese something.

Person 2: Witherspoon?

Person 1: No, with a knife.

why are airplane pilots gay?

because they're always going in and out of cockpits

Jeremey is at a bar and he's really off his head! so his friend, Dec, decides to take him home. He lifts Jeremy up, Jeremy falls on his face. Dec takes Jeremy out the door, Jeremy falls on his face. Dec carries Jeremy down the road, he falls on his face again. Dec calls a taxi, Jeremy falls inside the taxi. Dec and Jeremy go to Jeremys home. When they step out of the taxi, Jeremy falls on his face. He takes Jeremy up the stairs to his house, Jeremy falls on his face. Dec once more grabs Jeremy and knocks on the door. Jeremys wife, Helen, opens the door and says "Thanks for bringing him home, but wheres his wheelchair?"

A man walks into a bar and says "Yo Bartender, pour me 10 shots of Vodka. I'm celebrating my first blowjob". The bartender then says "in that case, here's an 11th shot for free". The man replies by saying "thanks, but that won't get the taste of cock out of my mouth"

There's a pole in the north, a pole in the east, a pole in the south, a pole in the west, and all the other poles are in england.