One day this guy dies and, not surprisingly, goes to Hell. Upon arrival at the fiery gates, he is directed to a waiting room. He notices many clocks on the walls, and each one seems to be running at a different speed.

Satan finishes up with someone and comes out into the waiting room, where the guy says, "Hi, Mr. Satan. Enjoying Hell so far, but I have a question. What's with all the clocks in here?"

Satan smiles. "Oh, those aren't clocks. Each of those represents a man, and every time a man masturbates, his particular representation makes a complete revolution."

The guy seems intrigued and asks, "Do you know where mine is?"

"Yes," the Prince of Darkness replies. "It's in my office. I'm using it as a fan."

A mother is in a store with her three-year-old son. While in an aisle, the little boy covered his butt with his hands and jumped up and down. Before his mother could figure out what was wrong, he'd soiled himself.

"Honey," his mom told him, "you've got to let me know when you have to potty. Just tell me you have to go."

The boy quickly learned to say "I gots to go!" or "Gotta go!" when nature came calling.

After three weeks of the boy's pottying, the proud father decides to take the boy to a carnival. When they arrived, the dad excitedly told his son, "Hey, let's go on the ferris wheel together."

Fifteen minutes later, they were banned from the carnival.

Bob and Ted meet in the grocery store. Ted asks, "What did you do last night?"

"I watched a movie with Jenna Jameson," Bob replies.

"How was it?"

"I thought it was fine," Bob says, "but Jenna hated it."