A minister dies and is waiting in line at the pearly gates. Ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, a leather jacket, and jeans. St. Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know wheter or not to admit you to the kingdom of heaven?"
The guy replies, "I am Joe Choen, taxi driver, of Las Vegas."
St. Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the kingdom of heaven." The taxi driver goes into heaven with his robe and staff, and it is the minister's turn.
He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of St. Mary's for the last forty-five years."
St. Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the kingdom of heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says St. Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

A man went on vacation and arranged for his mother to stay at his house and take care of his cat. And, just to be sure, he asked his next-door neighbor if he would look in on them every day and make sure they were all right. "No problem," said the neighbor. The man flew off to Mexico and after a couple of days he called the neighbor and asked how things were going.
"Well," the neighbor said, "your cat died." "Geez," the guy said. "You have to come right out and tell me like that? Couldn't you have a little more consideration. Couldn't you have broken it to me a little more gently. Like first telling me that the cat was on the rook but fell off, then maybe the next day telling me you had taken the cat to the vet but he didn't make it. By the way, how's my mom doing?"
"Well," said the neighbor, "she was up on the roof..."

There is a 4-floor apartment building. A beautiful woman lived on the 1st floor, a policeman lived on the 2nd floor, a firefighter lived on the 3rd floor, and a blind man on the 4th. The woman was in the shower when the policeman knocked on the door. She put on her towel and opened the door. "Congradulate me, I caught my first villian," the policeman said. The woman shut the door and went back into the shoor. Then the fireman rang the door. She put on her towel and opened the door. "Congradulate me, I put out my first fire," the fireman said. She slammed the door shut and went back into the shower. The blind man knocked on the door. The woman got out of the shower and forgot to put on her towel before she opened the door. The blind man said "Congradulate me, I just got my eyesight back!"

A women was going through her husband's desk drawer and discovered three soybeans in an envelope containing thirty dollars in cash. So she asks her husband about it.
And the husband said, "Well, I have to confess. Over the years, I haven't been completely faithful to you. But every time I cheated, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself."
"So where did the thirty dollars come from?" she asked.
"Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I decided to sell."

Why are men like blenders?

You need one, but you're not quite sure why.