What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run like hell ... she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

One day this guy dies and, not surprisingly, goes to Hell. Upon arrival at the fiery gates, he is directed to a waiting room. He notices many clocks on the walls, and each one seems to be running at a different speed.

Satan finishes up with someone and comes out into the waiting room, where the guy says, "Hi, Mr. Satan. Enjoying Hell so far, but I have a question. What's with all the clocks in here?"

Satan smiles. "Oh, those aren't clocks. Each of those represents a man, and every time a man masturbates, his particular representation makes a complete revolution."

The guy seems intrigued and asks, "Do you know where mine is?"

"Yes," the Prince of Darkness replies. "It's in my office. I'm using it as a fan."

Bill Clinton dies and goes to hell.

The Devil is taking him on a tour showing him all the various punnisments people have received. Then they arrive in one room where Kenneth Starr is sitting on a bed and Monica Lewinski is performing oral sex.

"This is your room" said the Devil.

"This isn't so bad," said Clinton. "I can deal with this for eternity."

"Well, good." replied the Devil. "You can leave now, Monica"